My Account
0

4 Things to Never Say to a Woman

Men have the power to make or break a relationship.
four things to never say to a woman

Men, you have the power to make or break a relationship. My research has consistently shown that what men do in a relationship is, by a large margin, the crucial factor that separates a great relationship from a failed one. This is why my wife Julie and I wrote The Man’s Guide to Women.

We want to share this knowledge with you. In short, the secrets from the Love Lab are the secrets that every man needs to know. If you’re ready to understand what it is women want and need, how to best provide it, and what it takes to be in a happy, loving relationship with a woman for a lifetime, let’s start with the four things to never say to her.

1. “What is it now?”

This conveys impatience and anger about what is probably her bid for connecting with you. Every attempt she makes to connect with you is an opportunity to turn toward her need and connect emotionally. This is foreplay. Don’t blow it.

What to say instead: “What’s on your mind, baby? I’m listening.”

2. “You used to have a nice body. I really miss that.”

Instead of being a compliment, this is an insult. If you want to talk about her body, first realize that she is already looking at 600 visual ads a day that show her our culture’s ideal female body. Research has revealed that even very fit, good-looking women tend to feel bad about their bodies. So, find something you genuinely love about her body, or how gracefully she moves, and pay her a sincere compliment. Men who sincerely compliment their women every day have better sex lives than men who do not.   

What to say instead: “You look gorgeous in that dress. I love that color on you.”

3. “Fine, have it your way. You always will.”

This turns her need into a power play and a win-lose, zero-sum game. You are suggesting that by having it her way, her intent is to win. It also avoids looking for the need she may have in a request she is making of you.

What to say instead: There are two magic questions to ask a woman: “What do you feel?” and “What do you need?”

4. “Why do you always have to be so needy?”

First, this is clearly an insult. It turns a need into an insulting personality trait and it’s probably not even true. We are all needy. Relationships are contracts of mutual nurturance, so having needs and agreeing to meet those needs is an implicit hidden contract in any love relationship. Second, it converts a potential opportunity — turning toward her need for you — into a statement of turning against her.

What to say instead: Again, remember that there are two magic questions to ask a woman: “What do you feel?” and “What do you need?”

 

Share this post:

World-renowned for his work on marital stability and divorce prediction, Dr. John Gottman has conducted 40 years of breakthrough research with thousands of couples. He is the author of over 200 published academic articles and author or co-author of more than 40 books, including The New York Times bestseller The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.

Recommended products

Original price was: $250.00.Current price is: $169.00.

Transform Your Relationship

The Gottman Relationship Adviser is a complete approach to relationship wellness. Measure your relationship health with the research-based Gottman Assessment, analyze five key areas of your partnership to identify your strengths and weaknesses, then start a tailored, step-by-step digital program proven to heal and strengthen your connection—all on your schedule and from anywhere.

The Adviser uses the legendary scientific Gottman Method to help you understand what’s really going on in your relationship—and gives you exactly what you need to improve it.

Original price was: $119.00.Current price is: $79.00.

Research-based Foundations for a Lifetime of Love.  The Gottman Relationship Coach is an inspiring and educational multimedia experience designed to enhance the well-being of relationships. Participants will be guided through research-based tools and communication skills that can transform relationships—all based on the popular Gottman Method. The first program, “How to Make Your Relationship Work”, is now available and includes:

  • The Gottman Method and How to Make Your Relationship Work
  • How do we predict the future of a relationship?
  • How to build a Sound Relationship House
  • What to do when the destructive Four Horsemen enter your relationship

“Buy Now” will take you to GOTTMAN CONNECT to purchase and view this product.

Original price was: $599.00.Current price is: $499.00.

Created by “the Einstein of Love” (Psychology Today), this two-day workshop is grounded on what actually works in relationships that are happy and stable. See for yourself why millions of couples worldwide have benefited from the Gottman Method.

Quote from participant in most recent Live Virtual Workshop:

The Art and Science of Love workshop- where do I begin? It was an absolute stellar workshop. We were looking forward to this for weeks, and it exceeded our expectations! It was well-structured, and well-organized, and provided a wealth of information with real-time demonstrations of how to work through specific scenarios. The outstanding support that was provided throughout the exercises with therapists on standby- WOW! Priceless!

Includes the Art & Science of Love box set.  Please allow time for shipping.  Please Note: This is a live online event. To attend, you will need a reliable internet connection. Our staff will reach out to you with your personal registration and access information.

Select options This product has multiple variants. The options may be chosen on the product page

Related posts

Stress-proof your relationship this holiday season just like this couple having fun and enjoying each others company

How to Stress-Proof Your Relationship This Holiday Season

Kyle Benson

Cultivate an attitude of gratitude around your partner and loved ones during the holidays. ...

Read More

Managing vs. Resolving Conflict in Relationships The Blueprints for Success

Managing vs. Resolving Conflict in Relationships

Marni Feuerman

A look at three “conflict blueprints” to help you and your partner constructively manage conflict around unsolvable problems. ...

Read More

Big blended family enjoying time together

Navigating Different Parenting Styles in Blended Families

Terry Gaspard

In blended families there are likely several different parenting styles at play that can cause conflict among adults and children alike. ...

Read More

Happy couple in long lasting relationship

7 Outdated Relationship Myths

Dawn Smith

Here are some common relationship myths broken down. Learn why they are not accurate and develop the skills to deepen your ...

Read More

A group of people having a respectful and mindful conversation about political topics.

Mindfulness Tips for Hard Conversations

Gillian Florence Sanger

You can do more than "agree to disagree." Learn how to communicate with shared humanity and boundaries in mind. ...

Read More

Couple with upset partner feeling rejected

How Sensitive Are You To Rejection?

Karen Levine

Are you sensitive to rejection? Is your response "normal" or do you show traits of RSD? Understand the differences and how ...

Read More

Sign up for the email newsletter you are most interested in and start your Gottman journey today!