The Four Horsemen

Dr. Gottman uses this metaphor to describe communication styles that can predict the end of a relationship.

The Four Horsemen: Defensiveness

Ellie Lisitsa

Defensiveness is really a way of blaming your partner.

The Four Horsemen: Contempt

Ellie Lisitsa

Contempt is the worst of the four horsemen. It is the number one predictor of divorce, but it can be defeated.

The Four Horsemen: Criticism

Ellie Lisitsa

The first of the Four Horsemen, and likely the most common, is criticism.

The Four Horsemen: Stonewalling

Ellie Lisitsa

The last, but certainly not least, of the Four Horsemen is stonewalling.

Stonewalling vs The Silent Treatment: Are They The Same?

Kari Rusnak

What’s the difference between stonewalling and the silent treatment?

D is for Defensiveness

Zach Brittle, LMHC

Defensiveness is a wicked game. But it’s winnable.

Help! Someone Told Me I’m Stonewalling

Laura Silverstein

Stonewalling is dramatically misunderstood. It is not the icy indifference that it might appear to be on the surface.

Brené Brown’s Atlas of the Heart: Defensiveness and Flooding

The Gottman Institute

From her latest book, Brené discusses these core Gottman Method concepts

‘It’s Not My Fault!’: Why Defensiveness is Damaging

Cheryl Fraser

Don’t get defensive. Do this instead.

What Causes Contempt in Relationships

Jinashree Rajendrakumar

How to spot contempt and what to do when it shows up

Types of Criticism: Expressing Concern or Complaint without Harm

Kimberly Panganiban

Learn how to identify the first of the four horsemen

Red Flag/Green Flag: What to Look for When You’re Dating

Elizabeth Earnshaw

How can you tell if someone is right for you?

A Happier Relationship Starts Today

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